After thinking more about perfection (see previous post) I realize I’ve been hard on myself, not having the patience I need when trying to change things I want to change about myself. When working to lose weight or learn something new or try to create some new good habits, it doesn’t all happen immediately. It is hard to wait and be consistent and put in the time and steady effort! I have noticed small changes, and for the first time i am really truly thrilled with these small differences. It used to be that I’d think “oh well not there yet, not ready yet… don’t have it yet” and dismiss the intermediate steps that get you to a goal. Just brush aside the progress as if it wasn’t enough…

Meanwhile I’ve been trying to learn something new — got a “for dummies” book and everything. Yesterday I was super-frustrated trying to figure it out and just about blew my top. Why is it so hard to get my mind around? Why can’t i “get it” right away? I have to remember to be patient and give myself a chance. I’m not used to things being so hard to learn.

I am used to being frustrated about weight and weight loss. That is definitely something that has not been easy for me. I know all the rules and what/how to do it but for some reason it is very slow, painstaking and won’t seem to budge. I push harder, no go. Something seems to be in my way. Is it my impatience? Will it take me 2-3 years to get to my goal? I would rather it be 2 months. I have to step back and take a good look at the process. I have to focus on the little changes that are happening. How am I feeling? I feel great. Instead of thinking something negative about myself I have to get some positive affirmations going, and look for the little changes and appreciate them!

Driving my daughter to school today we both looked out the window at an open field and saw a bush growing there wildly. I don’t remember it being there the day before… it was a gorgeous wild bush with sunflowers growing on it, dozens of them. Beautiful. Just taking a moment between the two of us to laugh and say “hey that’s not a weed, it’s a beautiful sunflower!” made me so happy. Sometimes it is just the details, the little things, the little changes that we see that we need to appreciate.

I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for the little bit of progress each day. It’s like raindrops that will eventually add up…

This post by Erin at Unclutterer.com really spoke to me. I am this same way and it has gotten in the way of things! She explained it perfectly…. I couldn’t have written it any better so I’m quoting her here:

You don’t have to be the best

When I was younger, I studied ballet. By the time high school rolled around, I was spending 16 hours a week at the ballet studio, and that number would easily double when we were getting ready for performances. I wanted to be a prima ballerina and I poured most of my free time into preparing for that goal.

Then one day, I looked in the studio mirror and realized I wasn’t the best dancer in my company. I was technically proficient and extremely graceful, but there were at least two other girls who made me look like I had never taken a dance class in my life. These girls were exquisite, and a part of me knew that I would never be the prima ballerina as long as they were dancing.

So, I quit.

After 13 years of eating, studying, training, and living the life of a ballerina, I walked away from all of it without any notice.

I rarely talk about my time studying ballet because I am embarrassed by how it all ended. I can’t believe that I was so arrogant as to believe that if I wasn’t the best, I wanted nothing to do with it.

What surprises me, though, is how often I turn to this flawed logic. Maybe you do the same thing? I didn’t take up running until my mid-30s because I knew I was a slow runner. It never crossed my mind that I might run for some reason other than winning a race. I never thought about the benefits of the exercise, how good I would feel while running, and that I might love running just for the sake of running. I missed out on decades of running because I wasn’t going to be the best runner. Ugh.

I run into this type of all-or-nothing absolutist thinking a great deal when talking to people about uncluttering. They see it as a dichotomy where a person will either be organized or disorganized. They don’t try to get even a little clutter out of their lives because they can’t get all clutter removed. They know that the prima Unclutterers will always be “better,” so they don’t try at all.

The humbling truth of the matter is that there will always be someone who is better at doing something than you are. Thankfully, uncluttering isn’t a competition and it doesn’t require you to be the best. It doesn’t matter if someone does it better than you do. You don’t get rid of clutter for someone else, you get rid of it for you. Comparing yourself to another person is unnecessary; you only need to look at your life and your needs to decide what is best for you.

Thanks Erin! Here’s a link to the original post.

I have been reminiscing lots about my life lately after being reunited with some old friends on facebook… it has been interesting and fun, and has made me realize how much stuff i’ve actually FORGOTTEN! I feel stumped and worried, wondering if there’s a way to sort out a time line of my life and try to piece together some of my stories and memories and help bring some back. I wish I could “google” my life and find out what happened and when. There’s just no way to do it! It would be up to me to write it all, somehow in a database or calendar format. I did a little research on software to find something simple to use to organize all of the junk and bits and pieces of memory.

I figured I could try to remember things by googling the facts I know about the timeframe — for example, I knew I went to camp and we did some dance performances to Michael Jackson’s Thriller album. I just couldn’t remember what year it was. Well that should be easy right? Google the music and piece together the year, what summer it was, at least… I thought, OK i can do that, but where to put this info? How to “jot it down?” fearing i’ll forget it again… I also felt compelled to write some notes about that summer at camp — I’d dislocated my knee, and we’d had a food fight in the cafeteria… hmmm what other memories might come up as I write? I am thinking this might be fun to do!

As i researched i came across a bunch of software packages that were detailed, and looked very comprehensive, but I have a problem with things not looking “clean” and if it is too cluttered it won’t make me feel like I’m getting organized. It’s all about user-interface. I don’t want to get stressed out as I clean up and organize my life memories…

I found a site that I am going to try out and see if it will work. I have probably 1000s of fragments of memories, and am not sure how the “timeline” they create out of these bits will work. But I’m going to try it and see if it will help me get it going. I think it is still in beta though, but it looks clean and simple and easy to use: xtimeline.com

thinking about goals, dreams, how I want my life to be… I’ve been thinking about this so much lately. I have been working hard, and having some success but I’ve always had a bit of trouble visualizing things in my mind. As a kid i’d clip out things from magazines and paste them into my datebook or journal. I’d draw and doodle and make lists… This is something I haven’t done in years. I wonder if there’s a way to do this in my computer? I suppose I could use photoshop to do it, but that sounds cumbersome. Funny though, as soon as i start thinking “what would I choose, what kind of pictures should i find, what do I want?” i get stuck. It would be fun to make a big collage of photos and words and drawings and inspirational quotes, etc. but it’s not something you can just throw together in a few minutes. I am going to start clipping or bookmarking things and maybe it will get things rolling and I can start to really visualize my goals!

It’s like an empty corkboard. A blank sheet of paper! But that is how each day begins, as a fresh start (most of the time)…

Looking in Apple’s Downloads I came across Corkboard which might work as an on-screen collage maker. It would be cool to make a slide show of the inspirational images and words, quotes, etc. and use them as a screen saver or something… hmm!

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

— Aristotle