After thinking more about perfection (see previous post) I realize I’ve been hard on myself, not having the patience I need when trying to change things I want to change about myself. When working to lose weight or learn something new or try to create some new good habits, it doesn’t all happen immediately. It is hard to wait and be consistent and put in the time and steady effort! I have noticed small changes, and for the first time i am really truly thrilled with these small differences. It used to be that I’d think “oh well not there yet, not ready yet… don’t have it yet” and dismiss the intermediate steps that get you to a goal. Just brush aside the progress as if it wasn’t enough…

Meanwhile I’ve been trying to learn something new — got a “for dummies” book and everything. Yesterday I was super-frustrated trying to figure it out and just about blew my top. Why is it so hard to get my mind around? Why can’t i “get it” right away? I have to remember to be patient and give myself a chance. I’m not used to things being so hard to learn.

I am used to being frustrated about weight and weight loss. That is definitely something that has not been easy for me. I know all the rules and what/how to do it but for some reason it is very slow, painstaking and won’t seem to budge. I push harder, no go. Something seems to be in my way. Is it my impatience? Will it take me 2-3 years to get to my goal? I would rather it be 2 months. I have to step back and take a good look at the process. I have to focus on the little changes that are happening. How am I feeling? I feel great. Instead of thinking something negative about myself I have to get some positive affirmations going, and look for the little changes and appreciate them!

Driving my daughter to school today we both looked out the window at an open field and saw a bush growing there wildly. I don’t remember it being there the day before… it was a gorgeous wild bush with sunflowers growing on it, dozens of them. Beautiful. Just taking a moment between the two of us to laugh and say “hey that’s not a weed, it’s a beautiful sunflower!” made me so happy. Sometimes it is just the details, the little things, the little changes that we see that we need to appreciate.

I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for the little bit of progress each day. It’s like raindrops that will eventually add up…

This post by Erin at Unclutterer.com really spoke to me. I am this same way and it has gotten in the way of things! She explained it perfectly…. I couldn’t have written it any better so I’m quoting her here:

You don’t have to be the best

When I was younger, I studied ballet. By the time high school rolled around, I was spending 16 hours a week at the ballet studio, and that number would easily double when we were getting ready for performances. I wanted to be a prima ballerina and I poured most of my free time into preparing for that goal.

Then one day, I looked in the studio mirror and realized I wasn’t the best dancer in my company. I was technically proficient and extremely graceful, but there were at least two other girls who made me look like I had never taken a dance class in my life. These girls were exquisite, and a part of me knew that I would never be the prima ballerina as long as they were dancing.

So, I quit.

After 13 years of eating, studying, training, and living the life of a ballerina, I walked away from all of it without any notice.

I rarely talk about my time studying ballet because I am embarrassed by how it all ended. I can’t believe that I was so arrogant as to believe that if I wasn’t the best, I wanted nothing to do with it.

What surprises me, though, is how often I turn to this flawed logic. Maybe you do the same thing? I didn’t take up running until my mid-30s because I knew I was a slow runner. It never crossed my mind that I might run for some reason other than winning a race. I never thought about the benefits of the exercise, how good I would feel while running, and that I might love running just for the sake of running. I missed out on decades of running because I wasn’t going to be the best runner. Ugh.

I run into this type of all-or-nothing absolutist thinking a great deal when talking to people about uncluttering. They see it as a dichotomy where a person will either be organized or disorganized. They don’t try to get even a little clutter out of their lives because they can’t get all clutter removed. They know that the prima Unclutterers will always be “better,” so they don’t try at all.

The humbling truth of the matter is that there will always be someone who is better at doing something than you are. Thankfully, uncluttering isn’t a competition and it doesn’t require you to be the best. It doesn’t matter if someone does it better than you do. You don’t get rid of clutter for someone else, you get rid of it for you. Comparing yourself to another person is unnecessary; you only need to look at your life and your needs to decide what is best for you.

Thanks Erin! Here’s a link to the original post.

I could spend hours on flickr browsing the gorgeous photography people are creating. It is amazing! Inspiring, makes me want to travel, or wander with a camera for days. It gets me thinking about the days in high school when all I wanted to do was photograph. I had a 35mm slr camera, it was a Minolta, i loved that thing! It was all manual but had a light meter… I would shoot plus-x or tri-x film and develop it at school. Things are so different now, with digital you can shoot all day and not worry about buying film or developing (messing it up possibly in the process). The contact sheets are gone, now its iPhoto or Aperture (or flickr) to see them all in a row and choose the best enlargements.

I am really wanting to do some photography… Meanwhile here are some thumbnails — click on a thumbnail and browse the images on flickr! These artists are amazing. NOTE: these images are all random, can’t vouch for the content of any of them.

just thinking back on last year and all that we’ve gone through…  We had the opportunity to go to NYC and had the BEST time. Of course having many of the expenses paid by abcnews didn’t hurt. As a kid, I always wished I could go live in New York, as a dancer, or a designer, or artist, fashion designer, photographer, magazine editor… I knew it had to be something fabulous… but I always imagined myself in the “big city” somewhere.

I grew up across the bridge from San Francisco, I lived there in college, and now live about an hour away (sans traffic). San Francisco is beautiful, I love San Francisco, and hadn’t thought much about New York and my New York dreams in a long, long time. When the opportunity to visit NYC came up, I was nervous, thrilled, everything! I had no idea I’d love it so much. Whenever NYC is shown on TV, I ask my husband “Hey when are we going back to NY?” :)

Next time we go, I’m definitely going to Tiffany’s.

Here are a few snapshots from last year.

I am a complete bag addict. I love bags. But I am super particular. Someday I would love to be a bag designer. I can’t help it. I just love this stuff! I like simple clean lines and traditional styles… nothing puckered or crinkled or too many buckles. Or too shiny. Maybe I am just a little bit boring but hey, I’d rather accessorize with a chunky bracelet or scarf than with a lumpy slouchy logo-y snakey bag. A bright solid color bag or cute zebra thing once in a while would be great. I wouldn’t turn down a big Louis Vuitton tote either. 

Anyways… I’ve got a powerbook and it is too big for most briefcases, so I started looking for the perfect leather tote. Googling “leather tote” gave me some crazy options but I found a few that are just… just plain adorable :).

This one is the “Rachel Laptop Bag” from FranklinCovey. I remember the days of having a dayplanner, bringing it to every meeting, taking notes, writing all kinds of lists and being super organized. Well that is a good feeling right? I have a date book but it isn’t as serious as my old franklin dayplanner. This tote bag looks like it would make me happy and more organized though! It has a shoulder strap too (or so it says)… Hold me back! I am afraid I will order it. I will have to put this on my wish list for Christmas…

I’ve been kinda wanting a red leather bag too. Maybe on the flashy side. I always wear black, grey or brown. Some white and blue but I am always neutral. I need more scarves and stuff to spice things up. And a classy bag.

Googling further I came across this a.dor.a.ble Michael Kors bag. Is it really as big as it says? Does it come in black or brown? Ohhhh it is cute and kind of not-work-ish. 

 It is listed as being 19″ wide. Definitely big enough for my computer. But it would probably look all wrong with something rectangular in it. 

Looking around a bit more… I am seeing more potentially cool bags, some are more for traveling but would be great for work. This red one is a stunner, with it’s shoulder strap it would be convenient. It’s big, at 21″ wide. Hmmm! not bad :)

well here I go… a blog about nothing, and everything… I am a mom, a designer, and I am struggling to figure out what I am doing. I am 40… about to be 41 and though I know myself really well, I still am not the “woman i always wanted to be”. There was something on that Rachel Zoe Project show about this. Rachel is a fabulous hollywood stylist who has so much going on, loves her job and is on a whirlwind ride. Diane Von Furstenburg says to her something about “I am finally the woman I have always wanted to be, just like you are…” and Rachel Zoe stops and says “wait… am I that woman?” Well it got me thinking. I want to take the time now to really fight and work towards being the best me i can be. OK that sounds cheesy but I really need to take the time to do what is right for me before it is too late. Being 40 is a bit of a wake up call. I have lots to work on and fight for and need to get my gloves on and go. I love Diane Von Furstenburg by the way… she is amazing.