After thinking more about perfection (see previous post) I realize I’ve been hard on myself, not having the patience I need when trying to change things I want to change about myself. When working to lose weight or learn something new or try to create some new good habits, it doesn’t all happen immediately. It is hard to wait and be consistent and put in the time and steady effort! I have noticed small changes, and for the first time i am really truly thrilled with these small differences. It used to be that I’d think “oh well not there yet, not ready yet… don’t have it yet” and dismiss the intermediate steps that get you to a goal. Just brush aside the progress as if it wasn’t enough…

Meanwhile I’ve been trying to learn something new — got a “for dummies” book and everything. Yesterday I was super-frustrated trying to figure it out and just about blew my top. Why is it so hard to get my mind around? Why can’t i “get it” right away? I have to remember to be patient and give myself a chance. I’m not used to things being so hard to learn.

I am used to being frustrated about weight and weight loss. That is definitely something that has not been easy for me. I know all the rules and what/how to do it but for some reason it is very slow, painstaking and won’t seem to budge. I push harder, no go. Something seems to be in my way. Is it my impatience? Will it take me 2-3 years to get to my goal? I would rather it be 2 months. I have to step back and take a good look at the process. I have to focus on the little changes that are happening. How am I feeling? I feel great. Instead of thinking something negative about myself I have to get some positive affirmations going, and look for the little changes and appreciate them!

Driving my daughter to school today we both looked out the window at an open field and saw a bush growing there wildly. I don’t remember it being there the day before… it was a gorgeous wild bush with sunflowers growing on it, dozens of them. Beautiful. Just taking a moment between the two of us to laugh and say “hey that’s not a weed, it’s a beautiful sunflower!” made me so happy. Sometimes it is just the details, the little things, the little changes that we see that we need to appreciate.

I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for the little bit of progress each day. It’s like raindrops that will eventually add up…

This post by Erin at Unclutterer.com really spoke to me. I am this same way and it has gotten in the way of things! She explained it perfectly…. I couldn’t have written it any better so I’m quoting her here:

You don’t have to be the best

When I was younger, I studied ballet. By the time high school rolled around, I was spending 16 hours a week at the ballet studio, and that number would easily double when we were getting ready for performances. I wanted to be a prima ballerina and I poured most of my free time into preparing for that goal.

Then one day, I looked in the studio mirror and realized I wasn’t the best dancer in my company. I was technically proficient and extremely graceful, but there were at least two other girls who made me look like I had never taken a dance class in my life. These girls were exquisite, and a part of me knew that I would never be the prima ballerina as long as they were dancing.

So, I quit.

After 13 years of eating, studying, training, and living the life of a ballerina, I walked away from all of it without any notice.

I rarely talk about my time studying ballet because I am embarrassed by how it all ended. I can’t believe that I was so arrogant as to believe that if I wasn’t the best, I wanted nothing to do with it.

What surprises me, though, is how often I turn to this flawed logic. Maybe you do the same thing? I didn’t take up running until my mid-30s because I knew I was a slow runner. It never crossed my mind that I might run for some reason other than winning a race. I never thought about the benefits of the exercise, how good I would feel while running, and that I might love running just for the sake of running. I missed out on decades of running because I wasn’t going to be the best runner. Ugh.

I run into this type of all-or-nothing absolutist thinking a great deal when talking to people about uncluttering. They see it as a dichotomy where a person will either be organized or disorganized. They don’t try to get even a little clutter out of their lives because they can’t get all clutter removed. They know that the prima Unclutterers will always be “better,” so they don’t try at all.

The humbling truth of the matter is that there will always be someone who is better at doing something than you are. Thankfully, uncluttering isn’t a competition and it doesn’t require you to be the best. It doesn’t matter if someone does it better than you do. You don’t get rid of clutter for someone else, you get rid of it for you. Comparing yourself to another person is unnecessary; you only need to look at your life and your needs to decide what is best for you.

Thanks Erin! Here’s a link to the original post.

went on a road trip! here are a few snapshots from along the way.

I have been reminiscing lots about my life lately after being reunited with some old friends on facebook… it has been interesting and fun, and has made me realize how much stuff i’ve actually FORGOTTEN! I feel stumped and worried, wondering if there’s a way to sort out a time line of my life and try to piece together some of my stories and memories and help bring some back. I wish I could “google” my life and find out what happened and when. There’s just no way to do it! It would be up to me to write it all, somehow in a database or calendar format. I did a little research on software to find something simple to use to organize all of the junk and bits and pieces of memory.

I figured I could try to remember things by googling the facts I know about the timeframe — for example, I knew I went to camp and we did some dance performances to Michael Jackson’s Thriller album. I just couldn’t remember what year it was. Well that should be easy right? Google the music and piece together the year, what summer it was, at least… I thought, OK i can do that, but where to put this info? How to “jot it down?” fearing i’ll forget it again… I also felt compelled to write some notes about that summer at camp — I’d dislocated my knee, and we’d had a food fight in the cafeteria… hmmm what other memories might come up as I write? I am thinking this might be fun to do!

As i researched i came across a bunch of software packages that were detailed, and looked very comprehensive, but I have a problem with things not looking “clean” and if it is too cluttered it won’t make me feel like I’m getting organized. It’s all about user-interface. I don’t want to get stressed out as I clean up and organize my life memories…

I found a site that I am going to try out and see if it will work. I have probably 1000s of fragments of memories, and am not sure how the “timeline” they create out of these bits will work. But I’m going to try it and see if it will help me get it going. I think it is still in beta though, but it looks clean and simple and easy to use: xtimeline.com

Dash and Albert has always been famous for their huge variety of cotton rugs. I came across them a while back in an Apartment Therapy article. I would love to use their rugs in my home, maybe one of these days… Meanwhile I am in love with these totes. Colorful, sturdy, simple design.  30 different stripes/colors to choose from. Makes me want to stuff it with sunscreen, magazines and a blanket and head to the beach.

Just had to post this… had seen it in a photo shoot in Martha Stewart’s magazine as I waited for my daughter at the dentist. What a simple, classic bag — i love the straw/sisal/jute look with leather handles. Not sure if it is big enough though. I have a wonderful Kiondo bag I picked up from ebay years ago and it is my favorite. I wish I could find another like it!

I could spend hours on flickr browsing the gorgeous photography people are creating. It is amazing! Inspiring, makes me want to travel, or wander with a camera for days. It gets me thinking about the days in high school when all I wanted to do was photograph. I had a 35mm slr camera, it was a Minolta, i loved that thing! It was all manual but had a light meter… I would shoot plus-x or tri-x film and develop it at school. Things are so different now, with digital you can shoot all day and not worry about buying film or developing (messing it up possibly in the process). The contact sheets are gone, now its iPhoto or Aperture (or flickr) to see them all in a row and choose the best enlargements.

I am really wanting to do some photography… Meanwhile here are some thumbnails — click on a thumbnail and browse the images on flickr! These artists are amazing. NOTE: these images are all random, can’t vouch for the content of any of them.

this ad caught my eye.  When I first saw it, i thought these rings are gorgeous, and it stuck in my mind, maybe it was the citrine one, with it’s amber gold color, and the thought of it being a simple, classic, pretty sterling silver ring, and even thought, maybe it is affordable? WRONG. I looked at Tiffany’s and they are going for $800. It is a 9 carat emerald cut stone, but really? Maybe it is because it says Tiffany & Co on the side of the setting? Well I thought I’d shop around a bit and I was surprised at what I found. There are some deals out there. Especially if you want to go faux. You can definitely get a real emerald cut birthstone (citrine, topaz, amethyst, etc.) with a sterling silver setting for a lot less.

I grew up loving anything Marimekko. Fabric, colors, the graphic quality of their products… I especially loved my Marimekko messenger bag. It was huge, and had the foldover flap with a zipper pocket. An adjustable strap too. I had a brown one and I dragged that thing all around school! It finally wore out and I ended up trying to sew my own version out of red canvas. It wasn’t the same, close but not quite…  I think at the time, I couldn’t afford a new one, or maybe couldn’t find one, so I took to my sewing machine. Looking at the same bag on the Marimekko site brings back memories. It is 15.75″ wide with plenty of room for school books.

I love the bold shapes and colors of their timeless poppy design… it seems everything they do is well thought out. I am really thinking about getting one for my Mom for Christmas! But which bag? There are many to choose from… When googling Marimekko bags, one site had a column off to the side with “related items” and lo and behold they had the black and white “Sophia” bag from etsy shown (I’ve mentioned it below)..

just thinking back on last year and all that we’ve gone through…  We had the opportunity to go to NYC and had the BEST time. Of course having many of the expenses paid by abcnews didn’t hurt. As a kid, I always wished I could go live in New York, as a dancer, or a designer, or artist, fashion designer, photographer, magazine editor… I knew it had to be something fabulous… but I always imagined myself in the “big city” somewhere.

I grew up across the bridge from San Francisco, I lived there in college, and now live about an hour away (sans traffic). San Francisco is beautiful, I love San Francisco, and hadn’t thought much about New York and my New York dreams in a long, long time. When the opportunity to visit NYC came up, I was nervous, thrilled, everything! I had no idea I’d love it so much. Whenever NYC is shown on TV, I ask my husband “Hey when are we going back to NY?” :)

Next time we go, I’m definitely going to Tiffany’s.

Here are a few snapshots from last year.

There, I said it. So many people seem to hate the rain. I would always hear it from co-workers, friends “ohmygosh I totally hate the rain don’t you?” or “what an ugly day” and it seemed they all assume everyone hates rain or they’d look to me to say “oh yeah me too, it’s terrible” etc. And you know, for years, I’d just nod absent-mindedly. Why didn’t I ever express my opinion? Maybe I wasn’t sure I liked the rain? 

Now I know, I love it. OK there are some caveats: I don’t really enjoy driving in it… it can be scary… and I have spent many MANY an hour in my life standing in the rain waiting for the bus or streetcar, which is pretty rough. But other than being stranded in it or driving scarily in it… i LOVE It. I love watching it pour down the street, i love the droplets on the windows of the house as you look out… I love hearing it on the roof!! I secretly wish it would rain harder if it is just sprinkling. It washes things clean, it is a fresh start, it nurtures the ground. It is dramatic and stubborn and doesn’t care what anyone thinks!

Living in California we have some pretty good weather, easy enough to manage, no hurricanes or snowstorms. We get sun, fog, rain, wind and sometimes hail. When it is super hot, everyone complains, when it rains, everyone complains. When it is just a normal 70 with puffy white clouds, it is rare to hear people say it is a gorgeous day. It’s more fun to complain I suppose. 

It is what it is — that’s the thing that clicked in my a while back … no matter what the weather, you can’t change it, you can’t control it, you can spend hours complaining or being pissed off, but it just IS. It IS raining. You can find some kind of joy in it, or make it a bad day. OK it’s not raining here, I think it is in the 60s and kinda bleh out there. Is it awful? no. Did the roof blow off? no. I am thankful for today’s bleh weather, and I won’t complain, because it wont do me any good.

I can hardly believe it is the day after Thanksgiving already. I am doing a little browsing/shopping online to maybe buy a few gifts. I have seen some good stuff, and have put things into “shopping carts” but haven’t checked out yet.

Every year I try to keep it simple… I’ve got a list of people to shop for, I think I’ve got everything under control… but there are always things that pop up — like a hostess gift, or I see something for someone that isn’t really on my list but I just want to get them something :). The toughest is the kids… This year they are emailing me wish lists to choose from which will help tremendously. I’ve warned them that money is a bit tighter this year. It’s not easy for me because I really do just want to splurge on them. 

One of the toughest things of all is not buying stuff for myself when i see it. Am I nuts? I can’t be doing that! This year I made my own email wish list for my Birthday gift back in October. It is awkward to say the least… to put a list together of things I want. It feels so princess-y to do it. I feel self-conscious like “am I asking too much?” But seriously, awkward as it is, it is a good idea to let people close to you know what you like, it helps everyone to find a gift that will be “just right”. I always get so happy when I KNOW i am giving something they will like instead of HOPING they will like it. It is so fun to get them something they love.

So make a list, and get lists from your peeps!